Kanye West Converts To Islam

Kanye West AKA Khaled Wahid No more Yeezus - Kanye West has had an unexpected spiritual reawakening, he has converted to Islam - West will hereby go by his Muslim name: Khaled Wahid. International rap star, self-worshipper and ostentatious fashionista, Kanye West, has found a God (but himself) - Allah. The gaudy rapper announced during a press conference this morning that he was denouncing all other religions but "the one true faith" - Islam.

- I have forsaken all other idols, Allah peace be upon him, is one of the best God's of all time!", The star chanted, enraptured and wild-eyed, driving reporters into a frenzy.

Kanye (or Khaled, rather) claims he owes his conversion to a dream he had back in 2012.

- I dreamt that I was a pastry chef, and someone very powerful yelled at me to hurry up with his damn croissant. When I went to bring him the French treat, he was gone, but at the table, there was a note and it said "1-800-Kiss-My-Allah". When I woke up, I knew I would have to explore Islam.

Kanyes equally renowned wife, reality show star Kim Kardashian is disappointed in her husband's change of heart (and soul). She commented the news in a press release around noon.

- I can't say I'm a fan of my husbands decision, mainly because he will now force me to dress in a figure-concealing Niqab in public, my curves will totally disappear, my life is ,like, over.

The couple's daughter, North West, will be placed in a Muslim school when she's old enough, and Kanye has hopes that she will start speaking Arabic around the house.

- I hope North will grow into a pious young Muslim woman and that she will want to release an album with me, praising Allah, peace be upon him, in the future.

The FBI is currently investigating whether Khaled Wahid will now pose a threat to national security.

- Let's hope the only thing explosive about Mr. Wahid is his music career, says Jack Powell, director of Public Relations for the FBI.