Hillary Clinton wants to ban beards - "Beards are sexist and don't belong in 2014"
Time to shave boys - soon beards will be legally banned - at least if Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gets her way.
Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, the stalwart, political aficionado who has time and time again been presaged to become president in 2016, has made a puzzling and very controversial statement - a statement that makes her steadfast, feminist stance unequivocal - early this morning she announced that she will ban beards when (or if) she becomes president:
"Beards have no place in modern, tolerant America. We live in a culture where the masculine is always regarded as being superior to the feminine, beards are thus a prominent symbol of patriarchal oppression. Growing a beard is an action of hatred and misogyny, that will not be tolerated in my America", says the former senator in a passionate speech
She continues to outline the punishments that ornating your face with a beard will result in.
“Having a beard after the law is implemented will result in at least 6 months in prison and a myriad of fines. It is my hope and my dream that I will be able to walk the streets of New York city, and everywhere else for that matter, and not see a single beard-festooned face. Facial hair represents an outdated, sexist worldview and the sooner we get rid of it, the sooner we can embrace a warm and tolerant, equal society.”
Clinton confirmed that she will propose this law to her good friend and president, Barack Obama, and if Obama doesn’t enforce it, she hopes she will get the chance to one day. The Secretary of State ended her speech with a command to vote for her, so that she can ban the facial bristles.
“Vote Hillary 2016, end the Patriarchal tyranny of the beard”
We stopped a bearded man with a scarf and round glasses who was walking down a busy street in Brooklyn, and asked him what he thinks of the proposed bill. He was positive to it.
“I didn’t know Hilary felt that way, I’m kind of ashamed of my beard now, I will shave it off tonight, in the name of equality!” To discuss this news story, tweet under #HillaryBansBeards