Mitt Romney arrested for cocaine possession

Romney has had a white Christmas indeed

Former Massachusetts senator, family man and 2012’s elections runner up, Mitt Romney, was arrested for cocaine possession early this morning at his home in Belmont, Massachusetts. Almost a kilogram of the illicit substance was found, stashed behind an expensive bureau in the Romney couple’s bedroom.

The bust occurred by happenstance, as a police car driving around the affluent area was stopped by a neighbour who went on to tell them that he knew of the presence of narcotics in the Romney home.

“When we got into the house, a snivelling, bleary-eyed Mitt greeted us and asked us what the matter was, it was obvious that he was under the influence of something, and this corroborated the neighbours suspicions that there were indeed illegal drugs hidden within the house”

Says officer Richie Cane, one of the officers in the police car.

“As we started rummaging through the house, Mr. Romney became very exasperated and yelled “Don’t you know who I am?” and “I can get you fired for this”, this only strengthened our belief that contraband was present somewhere within the domicile."

After an hour and a half of searching, the police found an overwhelmingly large amount of cocaine stowed behind a piece of furniture in the senatorial-sleeping quarters. Romney is reported to have at first denied that the cocaine belonged to him, but conceded shortly after, saying: “I don’t use it, I just like the smell”.

“This was a particularly difficult bust. Things are always on a completely different level when a public person is involved, the media storm puts a lot of pressure on the force. Nevertheless, we’re happy to exercise justice in the state of Massachusetts, and let’s just hope that Mr.Romney thinks twice about what he puts up his nose from here on."

Bail has been set at $10,000, and Romney’s representatives have yet to take public action. To discuss this story, tweet under #MittOnCoke