I am a barista who spits in all my straight customers coffee

Cassidy Boon is a 20-year old feminist who works as a barista As a barista I meet so many different people every day - It’s kind of unavoidable because, hey! , everyone likes their coffee! Sometimes however, you’re forced to serve people you don’t really like, or rather, that you hate. I’m not even kidding I literally start shaking sometimes when some of my less desirable customers come up to me to order, but I have to kind of keep a straight face or else I’m going to have my old boss on my ass. Luckily I’ve found a way to make it a bit more bearable to get customers who you don’t agree with and the good thing is that if you’re a social activist and feminist like me, you can combine your work with your activism. So what I do is I spit in all my straight customers' coffee. That’s right; I let a big wad of saliva plummet down in all my heterosexual customers’ coffee. Why do I do this? Well, because straight people are responsible for some of the most oppressive structural oppression ever. For centuries, straight, mostly white, people have killed, tortured and bullied gays, transsexuals and people who don’t fit in in the gender binary. Gays have literally been burnt at the steak for liking people of the same gender ever since Biblical times and nobody is punishing these straight people for what they have done for so long – apart from me. I’m getting back at them, one droplet of spit at a time. I am symbolically and literally spitting in the face of the white Hetero Patriarchy every time I hover my lips over a cup of coffee and let one go. It feels so good to be able to avenge all the Gays who’ve been oppressed their entire lives by letting my juices drizzle over their morning coffee. So how do I know in whose coffee to spit? Well it’s very simple to identify straight people. They all have a smug look on their face, they all order boring coffee combinations and they often kiss or hold hands with people of the opposite sex. So when they come up to me and order their Espressos or Lattes, I get to work, brewing the coffee, preparing it in the cup, and then, when no one is looking, I sneak into the backroom and deliver a slither of saliva in it. It’s such a satisfying feeling handing over the scolding cups to all the straight sons of bitches KNOWING that I've left a piece of myself in there. I just feel like justice has been served. Okay I’m straight myself, but, like, don’t hate me for it. I didn’t choose to be an oppressor and I do everything in my power to become an ally of the LGBT movement. Sometimes I just want to spit in my own cup but I figure that’s kind of pointless so I don’t. Anyways, I want to start a movement. I want everyone who’s against the Hetero-Patriarchy and who stand up for Gay rights to follow my lead. I want you to spit in all the straight people’s food. It’s the perfect way to protest and punish. Like, I know, maybe not that many of you are baristas, but if you work in any place where you prepare food you can get on the bandwagon and give straight people a nice little piece of you. I want to start a trend. I want straight people to be afraid to drink coffee, like Gay people are afraid to drink coffee because some homophobe might have poisoned it. So join me, get spitting, together we can get back at them for what they have done! I am officially starting a hashtag dedicated to this movement right now, #StraightSpitting , tweet under it to talk to me and others who're onboard.