I am Dylann Roofs Gay Black Lover: he did what he did because I broke up with him

The following letter was written by Dylann Roofs former lover. He approached us, hoping to shed some light on the situation and we decided to give him a platform. When I heard of a shooting in Charleston I knew it was Dylann – there was not a doubt in my mind. We had ended it the night before and I guess that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He was heartbroken when I told him I needed to take a break. He slapped me, called me an N-word and shouted that I and “my people” would pay – hours later 9 black people lay dead in a Charleston church.

Since the 17th of June, media has speculated as to Dylann’s motives for carrying out this attack, but they haven’t really addressed what triggered it all. As his African American ex-boyfriend, I know that Dylann is fighting an internal battle, on the one hand, he was into White Supremacy, Apartheid and starting a Race War, on the other hand, he snuggled up with a black gay guy every night. Dylann is a walking contradiction who has some horrible demons inside of him that have now been released into the world. I met Dylann last summer at a party. We talked about fishing and guns and drank all night. I felt a strong attraction for him but I didn’t think he was gay at all, he had this macho way of speaking and knowing that he was a big of a racist, I wrongly thought that a LGBT person couldn’t possibly have such views. He didn’t seem to have a problem with me being black, despite wearing a Rhodesian flag jacket. So anyway, after we had met a few more times a parties, we got closer, and I could begin to sense that he was reciprocating my advances – I was so happy. After about a month after meeting we were officially an item, I say officially, but the arrangement was of course a secret one. We would lay in bed and he would start explaining to me the natural order of the human races and talk of how the South African Apartheid was great. He seemed to forget that he was laying there, naked, next to a black guy, and would passionately rant about race relations until dawn. I kind of accepted it because I liked that passion in him and I didn’t really care about what he thought about black people as long as he loved me. I’m the one who took all those posing pictures. He said he wanted to use them for this manifesto website, where he would write down his politics and display pictures of himself. He never said anything about carrying out an attack; I got the impression rather, that he would start a White Power-type group here in South Carolina and use the manifesto to establish his beliefs. I think he would have been a good leader, I called him “Mini-Hitler” sometimes because he would speak with such force. Now after seeing what he has done, I should have realized that the manifesto was very suspicious. I just believed him to be too good hearted to hurt anyone.

About a month ago my feelings for Dylann became tepid. He was getting increasingly radical and I think he was disgusted at himself for leading this double life, sleeping with a black man, while trying to keep whites and blacks apart. He hadn’t accepted that he was gay either, and that was something he struggled with on a daily basis.

On evening of June 16th, I broke up with Dylann. He was devastated. He hit me, called me names and before he left, he shouted “You’re going to pay for this, you and your people are going to pay for this”

What Dylann did was inexcusable. I hate him for it. I will probably always hate him for it. I can’t believe I didn’t see the signs earlier. I could have stopped it all. I guess I just saw him as a rebellious youth like myself. But America needs to know that what he did was no cold and calculated, he did it because he had a broken heart and wanted to have revenge on me for breaking up with him. I am choosing to come out with this story to the media because I believe Dylann needs to be presented in an authentic light despite the atrocities he committed. To discuss this with me, tweet under #DylannsGayLover